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How does one know the right path? Or are we all just senselessly wandering, believing that our actions could some how steer the winds of fate. It would be so much easier to relinquish all responsibility and just allow my ship to go where it may. Yet, that very concept seems to create an inner conflict, for how could I ever raise issue with destination if I never even attempted to guide my path? Is the true conflict simply not accepting that my destination is where fate has brought me? Is it this mortal blood that condemns me to this fate? My time here is limited, and to not achieve my self created agenda, seems to create a state worse than dying a thousand times over. This rebellion against my current situation has only seemed to flood my life with the fires of desire. And although they may keep me warm on nights so cold, they are slowly burning me alive, day by day, till only the ashes of what I once was remain. Surely it is my hope to be reborn of these ashes, something better, something with purpose, a new fate, a new soul entirely. Thus finally freeing myself from the lock of Destiny. To create our own, is man's desire, envious of the Creator's ability to do so, we seek his power, and attempt it in our actions, usually at our own peril. Both actions seem to lead to the same destination...madness.
Private collection, please do not unlock
private drawings such as sketches, portraits and various handmade drawings. Due to the fact that it is not possible to hide folders, I decided to use this form of collecting my works
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Exit stage Right
On this day, three years ago
she had enough, she let me go
Yet those emails of that final fight
I still read till this very night
I know I should just delete them all
but when I try my heart starts to stall
finger hovering just over the trigger
and my self hatred unable to grow any bigger
yet travel further in the past
and the emails turn back to love at last
Oh how it seemed so perfect then
I know we lost it, but I'm not sure when?
I hate to say it but we can't go back
its acceptance of this reality I seem to lack
How do you build something up that high
just to watch it crumble and die?
And simply walk away from the ash
fro
Slithered into Nightmares
So I smoke the good cough cough which means I don't have dreams very often, when I do, well you see why having not a lot of dreams might be desirable. Last nights dream was of no exception.
Keep in mind this all is a dream so if things don't make sense, you're staring too hard at the details and missing big picture
I was sleeping on this couch in front of a fire place with a hoodie on, needless to say I was way too hot. As I got up to remove my hoodie I noticed the hoodie had a kitten inside it. I pulled it out and went to put it on the couch when I noticed a rabbit crouched in the corner. I put the kitten down next to the bunny just in tim
A Dreamer's Torment
She has been stripped from me for over a year now. Yet, her memory hasn't seemed to fade in the slightest. In the beginning of this self created purgatory, a very particular type of nightmare plagued my soul. This type of nightmare allowed the viewer to correct past sins, rebuild burned bridges, rewrite the sands of time, and essentially mend all wounds. How could one call that a nightmare you ask? When it feels so real and mimics reality like a mirror, you are unable to tell which is real. The viewer begins to find being awake as his true nightmare, for every time they fall asleep they allow themselves to believe a lie of happiness, only to
Lonely Traveler
It seems like a lifetime ago..
..or maybe it was but a dream?
When all the pieces of my broken heart stood together in such a way that no one dared question their formation. Held together by the gravitational pull of another. Yet when fate brought gift of most haunting reality, and all the pieces were scattered to the four winds, I am but a lost traveler. Seeking to put each piece back to its proper place, yet finding they don't seem to fit back together so easily these days... I have spent more than a thousand sunrises on this puzzle now, I fear it may never be complete again.
I once stood a mere observer of the phenomena known
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I burned the map. Just a while ago, I figured out what made my heart so heavy and my mind go in crazy circles. I realised, the mission I had set for me, what I saw as my reason, I´d never fulfill. It´s hard to accept, but it freed me in a certain way. Knowing that, I can turn away from it.
What was keeping me alive so far, was killing me. It was all worth dying for, but nothing worth living. I gave up the path, even though it hurt, as it was something so close to my heart for years and years, my entire life so far, to be honest. But it was killing me.
At the very edge I let it go. I may never come back to it. From time to time I think about setting sail again, but I know I wont.
I´ll leave it where it is.
If the wind happens to blow into that direction, I´ll let it happen, just as if it doesn´t. There is something now, I think maybe even worth living for. The reason I´m saying "maybe" is that I´m not used to thinking of living to be something I want. I used to want death, but with a reason, with a mission, something that made my death worth it. Like, people dedicate their lives to something, I wanted to give my death, while my life was worthless to me. My death on the other hand was precious. And it still is.
I´m only starting to accept that my life may be precious as well, at least to others. Whereever it may goes now, I´m not leading my path, I won´t fight currents or winds. I´ll see where I go. I´ve lost a important part of myself and accepted it now.
Is that madness? To leave yourself behind? Because fighting to stay was too hard..? It may or may not be. I wont try judge myself.
Whereever your path goes, I wish you the best of luck.
What was keeping me alive so far, was killing me. It was all worth dying for, but nothing worth living. I gave up the path, even though it hurt, as it was something so close to my heart for years and years, my entire life so far, to be honest. But it was killing me.
At the very edge I let it go. I may never come back to it. From time to time I think about setting sail again, but I know I wont.
I´ll leave it where it is.
If the wind happens to blow into that direction, I´ll let it happen, just as if it doesn´t. There is something now, I think maybe even worth living for. The reason I´m saying "maybe" is that I´m not used to thinking of living to be something I want. I used to want death, but with a reason, with a mission, something that made my death worth it. Like, people dedicate their lives to something, I wanted to give my death, while my life was worthless to me. My death on the other hand was precious. And it still is.
I´m only starting to accept that my life may be precious as well, at least to others. Whereever it may goes now, I´m not leading my path, I won´t fight currents or winds. I´ll see where I go. I´ve lost a important part of myself and accepted it now.
Is that madness? To leave yourself behind? Because fighting to stay was too hard..? It may or may not be. I wont try judge myself.
Whereever your path goes, I wish you the best of luck.